Feel Your Feels

One would think that if I’m taking the time to put my words and thoughts out into the world at this time, that I would have something wise to share that is steeped in profundity. 

I would love that.  

However, it’s not gonna happen here.  Like you, I’m just trying to make my way through this situation.  What works for me one minute fails the next. Regardless, what I do want to share with you is some of what I have noticed mixed in with what happens to be rattling around in my brain right now.  

The first thing I’ve noticed is that there seem to be two predominant coping strategies filling my feed: one camp is the ‘use this time to write your opus or translate your diary into Latin', while the other is the ‘you’re grieving, take a nap, and be okay with that’. There is certainly value and merit to both. As someone who makes a living helping people set goals you would think that I’d fall squarely into the former. However, I’m also a person who loves naps, so telling me that it’s for my own good is exactly what I have been waiting my whole life to hear!

But this is not the time for either/or, all or nothing, thinking.  The REALITY is that some days I get a lot done, and other days I truly feel the weight of the world. Maybe the only real goal should be getting to know yourself better so that you can plan accordingly. Know when you need a goal or a checklist so that you have something to shape your day. Know what you can control and accomplish. Know when you need to simply sit and feel your feels. I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing the full spectrum in a single day. This seems pretty reasonable right now. We’ve never been through a situation like this and it’s quite disorienting. 

My plan is to just keep doing my best.

I’ve further come to realize that I am a hugger. I definitely consider myself a warm person but I had no idea how important hugs were to me.  My poor husband’s arm may fall off before this is over, from me hanging on it. He is not a hugger (see last month’s post). However, he is a good and tolerant husband, and understands that I am accustomed to a very high level of social interaction. All which involves hugging. To those reading this who are also in my immediate social group (or in line behind me at the grocery store, on the opposing soccer team, just passing through town . . .) consider yourself warned. When this is over, I’m coming in hot and plan on making up for lost hugs.  This may involve some longer than usual hugs. I ask that you just go with it. 

Finally, I’ve noticed that I find myself in awe of the creativity and ingenuity of those around me; the restaurants scrambling to create ways we can access their deliciousness while still keeping us safe, the gyms and trainers who are now reaching a broader audience by creating at home workouts that are accessible online, the teachers who had to very quickly scrap all their plans for the year and create new ones that meet both the academic and emotional needs of their students.  The list goes on and it’s inspiring!  

Also sharing their talents online are celebrities and all their innumerable live feeds. This, I truly love. But probably not for the reason you think. You’re about to learn something very real about me.  I love all the live streams for the same reason I love going to open houses or taking walks at night in hopes that some people have not yet closed their curtains. (Don’t you dare judge me - you do it too!)  I absolutely love, love, love seeing people’s homes. And, let’s face it, I would not otherwise ever be invited into the homes of Tan France, Dan Levy or any of the countless Tasty producers I follow on Buzzfeed.  (Let it be known that they have a standing invitation to hang out at my house when this is all said and done - it seems only fair.) It’s so fun to see them in their environment sans hair and make-up. What you choose to surround yourself with gives tremendous insight into what matters and what has priority in your life.  I’m not judging people’s choice of curtains, I’m interested in learning more about what matters to them.  

This has truly been an unexpected bright spot throughout our quarantine.

Clearly, today was a productive day as I was able to focus long enough to write this post.  Okay, a productive day may be a reach. I can say that I had a productive moment that lasted just long enough to complete a task and it feels great.  I don’t know what the rest of the day will bring - I’ll figure it out as it comes and I’m truly okay with that. In the meantime I’ll keep looking for those bright spots and adding to my list of people I can’t wait to hug.  

Please take extra good care of yourself and those around you.  I’m sending much love to each and every one of you.