Pillar Five: Gratitude is Everything
Gratitude is one of those ideas that has made it into everyday conversations and onto t-shirts. I love the idea of it being in front of people with greater frequency. But is it becoming seen but overlooked; said but not truly heard? Gratitude is so much more than a thank you for my husband and kids. And while I am very grateful for who they are and what they bring to my life, my family is pretty low hanging fruit.
Of course I’m grateful for them!
However, it’s when I find gratitude for my challenges and uncertainties that I truly experience growth and understand the value of a daily gratitude practice. It forces me to look beyond myself and places me in the context of a much bigger world.
Gratitude takes effort, it is intentional, and should stop us in our tracks.
Often in my coaching sessions I’m asking people to take a broader perspective or view a situation through a different lens. A very practical example is the job search that takes longer than expected. When you are focused on unmet expectations regarding how long a job search should take, you miss all the good that takes place during a break. This good can mean caring for an elderly relative or spending the summer with your kids: things you would not be able to do while working, especially at a new job.
Can you see where I’m going with this? I’m asking you to shift your perspective on the challenges we face each day. What is most frustrating to you? Can you flip it around? Why is it frustrating? What are you trying to accomplish? Somewhere in that frustration is the thing for which you need to be grateful. Clearly it matters or you would be ambivalent to the struggle. In fact, it could be growing pains and you are about to make some genuine progress.
Be grateful for the struggle because it means you are moving forward.
I feel very strongly that we all should have regular gratitude practice. Like any daily practice, we will start to create a permanent shift in the way we see our world and how we face our setbacks. When there is something in particular that you are working towards (like finishing a degree, searching for a more rewarding job, or maybe starting a business) there is a tendency to become completely caught up in one's own myopia. It’s no wonder that happens when we are spending hours each day focused on ourselves and what we are trying to get done. It’s both especially important and especially difficult to practice gratitude during those times. When things go pear shaped, and they will, you want that muscle memory strong enough to catch you when you fall.
With gratitude practice, the drop won’t seem as far and the landing a bit softer.
If this resonates with you and if you are looking for a way to jump start your gratitude practice and see an immediate perspective shift; stop what you are doing and proceed immediately to the nearest volunteer opportunity. Do whatever you can to take the focus off of yourself, and for at least a few hours be the person whose only goal is to help someone else and whose only accomplishment is making things a little better for others. I don’t say this because I want you to compare problems or determine who has it worse. I want you to be reminded that we are all connected and the world is so much bigger than this particular challenge. While you may be struggling in one particular area, you are chock full of value and have a ton to offer others. Your struggle is different than the guy next to you.
We’re all at different stages of our own unique journey but we are all connected and we all have reason to be grateful.
When I was a brand new mom I somehow managed to meet a friend for lunch. (This is a treasured friend and someone who has always been a mentor both personally and professionally. It’s a pretty informal mentorship as she is completely unaware of her role but as long as she’ll keep meeting me for meals, the job is all hers. She’s amazing!) Back to the story: we met for lunch and she asked how my son was doing. I told her that he makes me crazy because he absolutely will not hold still so I can change his diaper. As I type this I realize that sounds so minor but as a new and very tired mom, that was a big freaking deal. While inwardly she may have been laughing, on the outside she appeared very contemplative. Then, in a voice that sounded as though she were reminiscing a bit she said, “I remember feeling like every stage was going to last forever.” By this time her kids were college age so diapers were long since in her past. Maybe because I respect her so much or maybe because she seemed to have truly heard me, that simple sentence really stuck with me.
It absolutely changed my perspective and in those very challenging diapering sessions that were more akin to wrestling a crocodile than anything else, I was able to remind myself that this particular struggle was not going to last forever and that if this is the hardest thing I am dealing with, then I’m doing okay.
I can’t say I was ever grateful for those diapering sessions while going through it. However, I am grateful for the simple lesson it provided and it certainly laid the groundwork for a practice of gratitude in the middle of challenges.
Today I am grateful that I have an opportunity to share this and each of my pillars with you. I’m grateful for each person who has taken the time to read them. I feel so deeply about this personal philosophy that it is very challenging to write about. Well, the challenge was in keeping it coherent and shorter than the average thesis!
What are you grateful for today?