Pillar Four: Make Self-Care Part of the Plan
Big dreams rarely go perfectly to plan and more often than not are fraught with difficulties and challenges. Because of this, I need you strong mentally, physically, emotionally - all of it. One of the keys to building strength in this regard is by making time for those things that fill you up and make you feel like you.
Before I launch into this I need to confess that this pillar article almost didn’t make it to press. Not because I don’t believe it to be important. On the contrary, the problem was that I was not living it. As a result of my ‘do what I say, not as I do’ existence, I was completely blocked from any ability to write. In case you wondered if I practice what I preach, now you know. I had to have one of those honest conversations with myself, that I am always asking you to have with yourself. It was a quick chat at the end of which I readily admitted that I had some work to do. Before I could make a plan to get back on track, I had to first figure out where I went wrong. I picked up my planner and flipped through the last few weeks to try and understand what has changed and where I hit the challenges. The thing that quickly jumped out was that while my schedule had been full of work and kids and all manner of commitments to others, there had been no time spent on myself. I had not worked out in weeks! And while I’m being totally honest, this revelation did occur while on a girls trip to Coronado Island in San Diego. So, yes; Self care promotes productivity.
Before we go any further, I’d like you to take a moment and consider: What does self-care look like to you? Like everything else we’ve been working on, the key to this pillar lies in figuring out what resonates and matters to you. For me it’s naps, meditation and exercise. Maybe even in that order. Some days I would much prefer to nap than exercise, but they all serve a similar purpose. They give my mind a break and keep my body strong. I am fairly confident in my assumption that you, like me, are managing a potential avalanche of activities, details, commitments and such. One false move, one missed deadline and it all comes crashing down. This crash can be seen outwardly like forgetting to do laundry and now no one has clean uniforms. However, I assert that it is also felt internally. We take on our mistakes and feel we’re a disappointment to those around us, or that we aren’t as capable as other people, or we find ourselves once again in that place where we are so overwhelmed that we are frozen in place.
To this I say, take a nap! It may seem counterintuitive to stop moving when you are overwhelmed with things to do. Poppycock! When we can quiet our minds and shut out the chaos, we create space for clarity and creativity. We see what is most important, where to start, or a different more effective way to approach things.
Okay, so maybe you are not a napper. What is your thing? What is the thing that fills you with energy and empties you of anxiety? Are you a runner? Do you prefer to empty your thoughts into your garden? Maybe it’s sitting alone at the beach or hiking a familiar trail. Close your eyes for a minute and picture yourself being refreshed. Where are you and what are you doing? If your answer is floating in the waters of Tahiti but you live in Bakersfield then I’ll tell you that’s a great start but not practical for every day. Perhaps you could try guided meditation with beach imagery and ocean sounds in the background. It’s not Tahiti but it is accessible all the time.
Let’s now bring it back to how this will make you more productive. When we clear away the clutter we are able to create a path forward. We see more clearly what needs to happen first, we remember details, thereby minimizing the risk of things getting buried and forgotten. Our actions become purposeful and intentional, keeping us out of the brambles of chaos and that sense of feeling overwhelmed. Instead we feel energized. We get shit done! Just as one negative action or thought often leads to a downward spiral of negative thoughts and emotions; Taking the time to clear our mind and set things right will actually propel us forward. The benefits of which extend far beyond your daily ‘to do’ list. You will find yourself in a better position to handle all the crazy that will inevitably come your way. Be that people, work load, kids (while they are people, they absolutely deserve their own category) or even water pouring through the recessed lights in your pantry. True. Story.
Before I go, there is one other piece to this self-care puzzle that I wanted to talk about. If you recall, it took a trip to Hotel del Coronado for me to finally get back on track in caring for myself. While I would like you to work some form of self-care into your everyday schedule let’s not overlook those rare but incredibly important opportunities to fill ourselves back up. This could include time with friends who inspire you, a regular hair appointment, a fun weekend getaway, and if you’re really lucky, floating in the Tahitian waters.
As with everything else, be intentional.
Keep a running list of ideas and make sure at least a couple make it on your calendar each month. I encourage you to set goals around that list to hold yourself accountable.
Finally, in the middle of the crazy, please give yourself permission to slow down and do something meaningful. Stopping along the way will get you where you are going a lot faster.