Birthday Reflections: Found Family and Building Community
“Friends are the family you choose for yourself.”
Found family is recognized in those special friends you'll have for life. This has been on my mind a lot lately as my birthday approached, which for me, means self-reflection. What has been most impactful to me this year? It has been 100% my relationships and in particular, my found family.
There is no single event these last 12 months that has me thinking about this. But when I reflect on this past year, what stands out the most is that relationships matter and the impact the people we surround ourselves with have on our lives cannot be understated.
This has been a really fun year for me when it comes to new people entering my life. I have developed some amazing professional relationships that have also become meaningful friendships. These are people who are established and accomplished in their field. People whom I would typically admire from afar. That changed this year and I’m grateful to know these individuals and call them part of my community.
This change from role model to peer has been delightful but was not happenstance. In short, it was because I was ready to meet them. The longer story is that I was ready to meet them because of my Found Family.
When I think about some of the throughlines that characterize my chosen family, the one that leaps out at me is belief. Belief in me. Belief in who I am and what I’m capable of achieving.
A thing that often happens with family of origin is that we get stuck in time. We are seen as who we were as opposed to who we are and can be. This isn’t a ‘bash your family’ post. There are lots of reasons this happens and we are all a part of that narrative and history.
With my found family those expectations don't exist because the shared narrative evolves. I’m celebrated for being who I am. Even when who I am changes, grows, evolves. We are excited to learn something new about ourselves and to set new goals. We don’t remind each other of all the things started and not finished, or attempted and failed. Those are simply the stepping stones leading to our success. We cheer for each other, for this outcome for each of us.
As someone who is constantly pushing back against self-doubt, it’s a gift to have people who believe in me when I struggle to believe in myself.
My people have poured years of love and belief into me. Given me their confidence when I couldn’t find my own and cheered aggressively at every tiny step forward. And somehow, as hard as it is for me to believe for myself, I wholeheartedly believe in their journey and successes as the only outcome for all their hard work in this life.
This is why I am finally in a position to meet people with whom I would typically only admire through their social media posts. My found family has poured years of love and belief into me. They brought me to a place where I could believe that the people who are my role models are also my peers. We are colleagues. Together we are stepping towards success. And this is why the last 12 months have been full of gratitude for my relationships and my found family.
Remember my birthday? I turned 52 yesterday. I’m not mad about it. Despite all the chaos my body is experiencing right now. (Maybe we’ll discuss those bizarre happenings in a future blog.)
Anyway, back to my birthday. I want to continue to dig into this idea of found family and bring some of the friendship lessons I learned into my greater community and relationships. If you’re reading this, that means you. You are my community.
I have two projects in mind to help with this:
I’m going to post a journal prompt each week (I’m 52. There are 52 weeks in a year. It just makes sense!). I welcome you to come along with me on this journey. Let’s explore what it means to be part of a found family.
I would like to record some podcast episodes around this topic. So if you have a found family and would be interested in grabbing a couple of them and having a conversation all about your friendship, I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out to me at shelby@yourkeyforward.com.
Our community is here, and there's always room in my family for one more. I absolutely cannot wait to see what we come up with together this next year.